Tomorrow night I’m going to the mikvah. (What’s a mikvah? you ask. Here’s a pretty good description.) I’ve gone to the mikvah twice before - once for my conversion, and once before my wedding. This time, I’m going to symbolize moving on from my life of “TTC” and prepare myself for the next phase of life and our adoption journey.
I need to write out my intentions for this ceremony. Which I’ve been avoiding for quite a while… I don’t feel completely *ready* for this, but I think it’s the right time. Ya know? I’m hoping that this will help me sort out some of the emotions I’ve been having about this transition, and life in general.
- I want to honor my infertility.
- I want to honor my intentions to create life and have a child.
- I want to honor the life that we lost.
- I want to honor the pain we’ve survived.
- I want to honor my husband for his strength and support.
- I want to honor my body, and respect it.
- I want to heal my body, which has been broken and abused.
- I want to heal my spirit, which has been lost and disconnected.
- I want to heal my heart, which has been shattered again and again.
- I want to move past some of the loses and grieving I’ve done.
- I want to prepare myself for the journey ahead of me - adoption.
- I want to accept myself and my life.
- I want to recommit myself to my marriage.
- I want to recommit to myself, and finding the strength to live a life of joy and fulfillment.
- I want to feel whole again.